It has been a few years now since I retired from a job that I thought I would never leave. Leaving was stepping into a new world. It has taken me a good while to finally accept that my life has changed from the dream I imagined. There is nothing about where I am today that I ever conceived for myself.
I guess I have been looking for a new place to belong and a new sense of family ever since I retired. It seems every-time I thought I was there, I wasn’t. The problem is I have been looking for others to accept me, to welcome me into their group, and to make me feel I matter. I have been searching for a healthier way to be seen, but I couldn’t even see myself.
The truth is: it is NOT anyone’s job to make me feel good or to make me feel as if I am part of their ‘family’ or community. It is not up to someone else to make me feel fulfilled. It is not up to someone else to restore my sense of worth. That comes from within and a real understanding that I am perfectly made in the sight of God and I have a unique purpose for being who I am and where I am.
This month is the start of a new journey forward. I refuse to be pulled back into the past. I embrace the healing that has completely transformed me to my core. I will no longer live in fear that I must keep paying for my sins or that others have the right to bring me back to them. I am ready to accept the forgiveness I received and to stop punishing myself.
My waking journey is a moving forward journey. With each step, I move a step away from the negative influences in my life. I can see a pathway that may require I ask for assistance to get over boulders in my way. I may stumble, because no pathway is entirely smooth. And yet I know, with the love of God, I will never walk alone. I know I will be better as I open my heart to the beauty around me and focus on the many blessings in my life.
One step at a time, I am walking forward into new life.